How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
