I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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