Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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