you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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