just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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