I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize