Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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