I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
