last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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