ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
