tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
