The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
