maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
