My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
