it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
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