I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
