"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
