Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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