I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
