I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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