I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
