i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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