We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
