____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
