I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize