college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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