Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
