I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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