I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I have post one night stand depression
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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