I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
