No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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