$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
