hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
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