it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
