i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
