I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
