I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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