we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
