he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
