man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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