Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
