If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
