I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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