I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
