I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
