Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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