Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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