This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
