I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
