someone owes me an orgasm
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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