scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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