i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Who died my cat blue again?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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