I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
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not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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