You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
