ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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