my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
