I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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