I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
