Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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