The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
pop tarts are not kleenex
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She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
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Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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