I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
