So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
