Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
