Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
