the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
