You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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