so explain again why im purple
no
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
