Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
