You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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