I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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