We're like a lot better than the average bears
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
