I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
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I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
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We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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