he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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